Rants & Kisses for Woke Capitalism

Last night I had a dream about my Econ 101 class. Let me try to get it straight.

In One Million B.C., Raquel Welch invented civilization and early cave men discovered clubs that could help them steal thy neighbor’s mastodon. That was called Survival of the Fittest.

Fast-forward to the 19th century. Karl Marx explained material conditions of history and alienation of labor. He foresaw capitalism’s eventual collapse as people demanded more money for their hard work. That’s why he was called a Red-Pinko Marxist.

In the 20^th century, old-fashioned capitalists like your granddaddy pounded the table for more self-reliance in free markets. They believed that was the Road to Bespoke Wealth. Anything less, like the New Deal and Social Security, was called Red-Pinko Communism.

In the 21^st century, grandchildren who inherited bespoke wealth are pounding the table for more government interference in free markets, not less. They want laws that will stop investing in Red-Pinko boondoggles like the Green New Deal and renewable energy. They call that Woke Capitalism.

Instead, they will sell us more of the fossil fuels that have dwindled precipitously since the days of Raquel Welch. This is called Energy Security. It will protect – some say it will squander – the hard-earned money in our retirement accounts.

In the 22^nd century, capitalists who survive Woke and Climate Change will own all the shares in SpaceX and the biotech companies that invented human gills. Anyone else who tries to climb into the lifeboat will be clubbed like a baby seal.

About the Image: The famous image of actress Raquel welch wearing a provocative fur bikini graced the poster for the 1967 film “One Million Years B.C.” The UK theatrical release poster was created by Tom Chantrell.