Rants & Kisses is an irregular column telling the tallest tales about the smallest things. It’s a vessel for my mind’s ire and heart’s desire, a soapbox for evanescent voices I cannot predict or control. I contain multitudes.
Read more: Rants & Kisses
A Rant: Marjorie Taylor Green auditioned for R&K’s Authoritarian It Girl at the 2023 State of the Union address. She and her Republican colleagues yelled like Tarzan swinging through the trees as they jeered and booed the President’s speech. Earlier in the night, MTG modeled a new white dress with fur trim on the floor of the U.S. House chamber. Read more.
& A Kiss: It’s a time before Hate Talk Radio. WLW out of Cincinnati plays the latest pop songs, wedged grudgingly between ads and baseball scores. Songs by Burt Bacharach and Hal David. Singers like Dione Warwick and Dusty Springfield. What Do You Get When You Fall in Love? The Look of Love. I Say a Little Prayer. I sit in the car’s back seat and listen. I’m glad it’s dark. I’d be embarrassed if anyone could see the dreamy look on my face. Read more.
In One Million B.C., Raquel Welch invented civilization. Cave men discovered clubs that could help them steal thy neighbor’s mastodon. That was called Survival of the Fittest. In the 22nd century, capitalists who survive Climate Change will own all the shares in SpaceX and the biotech companies that invented human gills. Anyone else who tries to climb into the lifeboat will be clubbed like a baby seal. Read more.
All Together Now: “LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!”
If a man like Donald Trump isn’t allowed to have extramarital sex with a porn star, you won’t be allowed to have it, either. Next, the FBI will kick down the door of your luxury suite. What is America coming to? Honest, no pun intended. Read more.